By Sy, September 28, 2018

Confidence is not “They will like me”
Confidence is “I’ll be fine if they don’t”

******  What’s on me  ******

{Skin} Glam Affair // Austine 001 (Previous FLF)

{Ears} ^^Swallow^^ // Pixie Ears 0.1

{Eyes}  LOTUS // Balance Eyes 02 (Gacha item found on MP for 60L)

{Sparkly thing around my head} Doe: Glitter Crown (Gacha item, marketplace find)

{Hair} RAMA.SALON – Chiara Hair // Blacks (Previous FLF item)

{Glasses} (Holly Mill) – Prism See-Thru Glasses (Came with the Taketomi – Marina Hair)

{Tattoo} Endless Pain Tattoos // Medusa @ We <3 RP til 9/30

{Rings} (Yummy) // Winter Solstice Rings

{Outfit} Epoch // Gemma shirt and skirt @ Suicide Dollz til 10/5

******  Stuff around me ******

The posters you see scattered around me are from The Little Bat and were made for this round of Suicide Dollz and will be available until 10/5.  They are perfect for decorating your Halloween scene!!

****** Stuff I wanna say ******

I‘ve been lazy. Well, not in all parts of my life, but when it comes to blogging I‘ve been very lazy. I‘ve always loved blogs that were more than just pictures and links to items. I enjoy blogs that are more like journals or diaries. I love reading about other people‘s lives, struggles, and triumphs. I love reading their thoughts on what caused them to take a particular picture or wear a particular outfit. I love discovering an entertaining story or a great sense of humor. SoI thought with my blog; I would always try to do what I love reading in other blogs. However, somewhere along the lineI just kinda stopped.

Ok, so maybe its not laziness. I didn’t stop because it was just to much trouble or to time consuming. I lost my confidence.  I started comparing myself to others.  I started changing my look to what I thought made others happy.  I lost my identity. 

YesI know that we are only talking about pixel me, but Sy is a reflection of inner me.  She is a self-portrait and I‘ve been painting someone else’s picture for a while now.  I‘ve had to think on that a lot lately.  What made me change?  What pushed me away from doing what makes me happy to trying to please everyone else? Why haven’t I felt confident?  If I‘m honest with myself, its because I was looking for validation in others.  I only felt I had worth if they thought I did.  When they ended up leaving my lifeso did my confidence.  I no longer had a strong foundation, because I haven’t been standing on my own foundation for a long time.  I‘ve been trying to make my place on other people‘s foundations.  It just can’t work like that. 

If you’ve made it this far, I suppose the whole point behind all this rambling is to say that Im in construction mode at the moment.  

I know I‘ve got to change things in my life to rebuild my foundationregain my confidence and ultimately find my own place to stand.  I‘m scared and excited at the same time.  Scared because I might not stick to it and really do what I want to do, but excited for all the prospects if I do make my stand. 




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