I realize that I am posting this on a fashion blog. And I promise that I will post what I am wearing below. But, this is more therapeutic for me. I know you have all seen my writing about my anxiety and depression, which has all been very hard things to do. The second hardest thing in fact.
I became widowed at the tendered age of 26 years old. No, I wasn’t married to an old man. He was 28 years old when he passed away, on April 30, 2010. Diagnosis: Sarcoma. It’s a rare form of cancer. Rarer in adults, and being who my husband was, it was in his head, which only happens in 10% of cases. It is single handedly the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. Watching him waste away from the man I married into a skeleton…I don’t know that there are words to describe. He was 300ish pounds when he was diagnosed in March of 2009. By April of 2010 he wasted away to 120 pounds.
Before we brought him home from the hospital to hospice, him and I had the absolute hardest conversation I’ve ever had in my life. I told him he’d make a great dad. He told me I will make a great mom, andI I said that I don’t think that I could ever get married again. And he looked at me straight face and said, “Cay (ok, he used my real name) if you want to be with someone, be with someone. If you want to be alone, be alone. But the point is, I just want you to be happy.” I’m trying sweetheart, I really am.
Life’s never been easier since he passed. Not that I think it would be easier if he were here. Just different challenges. The fact remains that I lost the love of my life. I lost what a lot of people take for granted. I’ve given up on having my own children (partly my own choice, partly my body hates me) and I’m trying to move on with someone that I find amazing in ways that is different from my late husband. He will forever be tucked in my heart and I will always love him.
If you want to learn more about sarcoma, please check out the Sarcoma Foundation of America.
Give your loved ones a hug and tell you that you love them. Life is too short. I’ve seen it first hand.
Body: Maitreya Lara
Head: Catwa – Uma
Skin: DeeTaleZ – Heidi, European
Ears: Bentbox – Sylvan Eears
Hair: Truth – Polly, Blonde
Shirt: Tres Blah – All Tied Up Blouse, Daisy
Bottoms: Blueberry – DWL Jeans, Capri Jeans, Ice
Tattoo: Carol G. – Pretty Roses, Black
Necklace: Cae – Aster
Bracelet: Cae – Aster