I’ve never been really exceptional at anything. Good at some things, even great – but never really had my own thing that was the thing I was really good at. Writing was one thing I feel I’m pretty good at. I always got complimented on how I explained things so people could understand, but was missing elements that would make me a great writer. I am not so great at RP, but I do try. This photo taking stuff has been a fun adventure. But as you see from this blog, there is still a lot to be learned. When I took this picture last night, I was tired, stressed, completely anxious, and depressed. I had a rough day, and by that time I was spending too much time in my head rolling thoughts around. I passed out, still in SL, still on the sim, from pure exhaustion.
Depression and anxiety are never easy things to talk about. There is still so much stigma around those words. I’ve had people that were really close to me tell me I need to “fight my demons,” and that I don’t need medicine or therapy. If only it were that easy. There are days I want to scream and shout, “WHY CAN’T I JUST BE OK? WHY CAN’T I JUST BE NORMAL?” What is normal anyway, right? Medicine helps, but causes some side effects. Therapy helps. But what I really wish is that I could process normal thoughts easily without them going to worst case scenarios. Sometimes I literally have to stop what I am doing and think about how my thoughts are illogical, sometimes writing it out. The depression….could care less. Those are the mornings I wake up and can’t even get out of bed, until my bladder threatens to explode. But then I crawl right back into bed. Some of those days are work days. Then my anxiety kicks in and I beat myself up for staying home. Why can’t I just be like the people that get up and do the adulting. Responsibilities are important.
Somehow in my state of mind, I was able to capture my avatar in the exact way I was feeling last night. To be honest, I couldn’t even remember what the picture even looked like until I looked after work today. This my friends, is what my mental illness looks like. I hope to continue to use this blog as a source of voice for that. Don’t worry, not every post will be so serious.
Body: Maitreya Lara
Head: Catwa Catya
Skin: [theSkinnery] – Maddie, champagne
Hair: Truth – Natalie, Blonde
Top: Just Because – Amber Shirt, Green – currently at faMESHed
Bottoms: Blueberry – Grace Pants, Vox
Shoes: MOoH! – Belle, Tip Toe Sneakers
Tears: [POUT!] – Cry Baby Mascara, Catwa
Tattoo: White Widow, Neverland
Lip Ring: Daisy Glam – Balls Lips for Catwa Catya
Rings: Velika Rituals – Lua Bento Rings
Necklace: EarthStones – Perfect Fit Necklace, Silver
Location: Bella Pace